A friend becomes a billionaire.

Your friend, the billionaire
now owns a billion
one dollars

he has much
and he gives it freely
he smiles now
he overflows
so much worry
no longer.
So much to give

Your first hope is
he remembers you.
a small gift
a generosity
a small portion
in proportion
as recognition
of the coincidence
of your friendship

Allow some
for the parent
who gave him life
Allow some
for brothers and sisters
for familiarity's sake
Then some for the lover
who believed the stories

A billion is impossible to count
an educated man loses count
between one hundred and one thousand
Where was I?
Fuck it!
start again.

to one
a billion
is infinity
endless. boundless. neverending
notes
stretched beyond the stars
Remember the many days when
we didn't have a dollar?
not one dollar, he says.
in your pocket
in mine?
It takes not one second
to count to one

Your dream
happens.
he offers a million
to you!
Receive this
my friend
my impossible friend
I've stored love
worth more than billions
stargazing
throughout the years
throughout the silence

And if
you'd take my million
with gratitude
with mercy
will you not
Take my love
when I have no money.
it's free
it's yours
whether you take it
or not.

When you refuse
know that my millions abide,
infinitely
yours
as comfort
when you can't count
even to one.
it's free
it's yours
whether you take it
or not.

Apparently I must do this.

There's a Girl

I never fucked.
a long courtship
of internet dating
amounted to
nineteen
years old
double F memories.
I was thirty
She had a dirty mouth
gave blowjobs
in toilets.
Check three boxes.
My girlfriend
now
gets easily stressed
distracted
requires codiene.
I wait for her
to sleep
then
wank
fuck-fucked
the swinging udders
the christmas ham
the mouth
that swallowed my cum
at first kiss
in the dirty toilets
of a Bimbo Deluxe
with that dirty mouth

premature
aggression
of me
the dirty old man


When all decisions are done
what will-won't I regret
when I cannot suck
so much
as a
straw
anymore
I'll have
double F memories.

Idealism
passes
Promise keeping
passes
my good girlfriend
always
passes.

How to see it.

A few times
not often
the world changes colour.

too often it's
distracted
by footpaths
like cliff-faces.
I must climb
over
you
and all that exists
is up
or death

but sometimes
not often
I am reminded
by
the hidden veil
of diamond dust
feel
the abdominal hearth
and
stand back
linger upon
something youself
with
your will
your kindnesses
your sperm
your conjunctions
your own two eyes
have
created

Eat myself

round the head
of your pets
If you don't
these mindless creatures
unaware of what's good for them
will lick the wound
and lick
and lick
until the stitches are gone
until it bleeds
until it gets infected
until its dead

My flavour of the month
is a psoriasis scab
on my scalp
on my crown
which hasn't healed for
a month

It doesn't flake dandruff
because
I've picked it bloody
no new skin has healed
to produce dried skin
to flake
and rain
like snow
on this human
holocaust

I scratch whenever
wherever
like a dog
I have no shame

The head picking
is new.
My ongoing vice
bad habit
nervous condition
unendearing imperfection
are cuticles

When I was ten
a friend
ate a scab
from a skinned knee
told me to
try
mine

Later
in private
I did

I didn't
right then
because
I was better than him
white trash
never be nothing
loser

Now I'm worse.
I gnaw my
fingers
compulsively
i wear bandaids on all fingers
to stop myself
from chewing
and looking
like
someone
raised wrong
like
I have leprosy

Without the bandaids
to stop me
I'll pry at the skin
with fingernails
pry
until
there's skin to
bite
I'm worse than a maggot
I eat
living
flesh

Before I'm done
my fingers will bleed
it ain't no
summer
of 69

My new crutch
is my crown
there's bandaids on
my fingers
but blood
under
my fingernails

Worse than a maggot
Worse than trash
None of my imperfections
endearing
unless you're reading this
when reading this
has become cool

Then it's OK
because a famous artist
did it
like alcoholism
like imprisonment
like anti socialism
like vomiting in public
like not shaving
not washing
not caring
about the people
in his life
because
selfishness
is common
to all
success

Take a chance, you stupid whore

This is vicarious
Completely.

she been gone
for movements

Add me up
I'm a greater
odd number
but she's been gone
for movements
mine and
hers


she's still
playing at
it
bath water still
too hot
the kitchen
she's alone in
is just right

when i knew her
last
she was dabbling in
starting friends
with toy men
playing with action figures
of
dreamers
anatomically incorrect
retro
plastic
men
with strings
in their backs
that repeated after her
you're so talented
it'll happen
you're so talented

She's no whore
not in any way
That's her problem
and mine
too

Not even friendship?

These days
the lesbians
have haircuts
which say to me
a male
I'm not going to talk to you
not under any circumstances
that you'd be willing
to change

Either you're a girl
or act like one
or we have nothing
in common

When I recognised
this
lesbian porn
lost
allure
and I need
now
to beat extra hard
risk friction sores
to make it
come out